Thursday, January 3, 2008

Resolutions

New Years,


A day of new beginnings and hope. The day upon which many feel they can start anew and state their intentions by declaring them for all to hear. Yes, I'm talking about the ever pervasive " New year's Resolutions". It seems so many feel the need to embark upon some personal goal either for self betterment , or the benefit of mankind as a whole, and that this day is the day upon which to start. We have heard them all a thousand times over, " I'm going to lose weight", " Quit Smoking", "Invent the Internet", ( thanks Al Gore ), and my personal favorite, " to be a better person". I was asked what my resolution was and it occurred to me that I had not made one in ages. So to make up for time I thought I'd list mine here for all of you who I have aggravated with my bitter dark musings.




  1. To be nicer to those with whom I don't agree.


  2. To care for my fellow man through compassion and understanding.


  3. I will stop hating Hippies in all their various forms and guises


  4. I will come to understand that Midgets are Human beings


These four things would be extremely difficult for me to accomplish in but one years time, but it's going to be alright. You see, I have yet to meet a single individual who has actually stuck to their resolutions past January 30th. No one really takes them seriously. We make these foolish promises to ourselves and to others so we can feel good that we are at least, thinking about being better human beings. Oh some may join a gym, or go to a Quit smoking seminar, they may even better all mankind by explaining Global warming to us plebeians. For the most part though, come February, all the minor efforts become a pain in the backside and we all slip back into our old selves once again. I cannot possibly stop hating Hippies, any more than a 300 lb welfare case can slow their "Ho Ho" snack cake intake. ( I do believe I have broken each of my resolutions at least once today ) As resolutions are promises, I guess I'm not much of a trustworthy sort now am I?


Perhaps, the lofty goals we set for ourselves should be toned down a wee bit? Maybe the 300 lb Michelin man look alike could change his goal to something like; " I will learn what soap is and how to wash between the rolls". This isn't too difficult to manage, though any trip through a local Wal-Mart proves otherwise. By toning things down a bit they can not only accomplish the resolution but also may be inspired to go further on to the road of Self Betterment. This way our subject could then continue on his/her merry way of Food Stamp Gluttony but, benefit us all by washing off some of the layers. There by benefiting society as a whole.


So, I should change my resolutions then too eh? that way I can do my part in making the world a better place. As There is no way that I can be "Nicer" to those whom I disagree I'll toss that off the list as it is a bit misleading. I am way to nice during a disagreement and no further courtesy is needed on my part. Which leads us to # 2. I already care deeply for my fellow man, perhaps that is why I tend to get a little annoyed when I interact with with other members of the human species. I believe they could be so much more, yet time and time again reason fails them and I must resort to being tough to make them come to their senses. But it is only through my kind caring spirit, and benevolent nature, that I take such harsh stands. Sadly the general populace is made up of Sheep bleating the day long. Look at any John Edwards or Hillary supporter and you will know what I mean. So off with #2 as well for really I have enough compassion and understanding already.

Midgets? forget about it..... not touching that. There is no way I can ever see these little creatures as human therefore the lofty goal I set cannot be reached.

So that only leaves, yup, Hippies. This goal to stop hating Hippies is rather ambitious. Maybe if I toned it down to: " I will stop throwing rocks at Hippies and protesters". or " I will try to stop running them off the road." Maybe I could accomplish those this year. It will be difficult, as the temptation is so great every time I see a herd of Tye died sheep, or Liberals bleating away this urge to " Knock some sense" into them overcomes me. This will go against my compassionate nature, for by not throwing the stones and letting them clog up the roads, I am ignoring their silent cries for help.

I will try though, I will really, really try..................

Slainte'

Blighter


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